The Visits

The first time I remember seeing someone, I was only a little girl about 3 years old. My mother had just rocked my younger brother to sleep and I was sitting on the floor at her feet. All of my older siblings had gone to school and the house was quiet. My mother may have been dozing because when she broke her silence and asked who I was talking to, I wondered why she’d asked before answering her question. Too young to understand, I assumed she had seen the lady playing with me on the floor.

Throughout my childhood, I always felt different from my other siblings. It wasn’t something I could pinpoint or even something that stood out, but I just felt it.  Doing my chores was always difficult because I would tire very easily. This also meant that running around and playing wasn’t something I could do with ease. As a result, I was labeled as lazy. It had a lasting impression on me but, it wasn’t the most difficult thing to have to bear. I stayed quiet and devoured everything I could read, even the newspaper that covered the walls of our house.

When I graduated college, the plan was to continue to medical school so that I could become a doctor. Unfortunately, I became very ill before I could turn my dream into a reality. Eventually, I ended up in the hospital, then transferred to another, and then another. After approximately 6 months, 50 tests, 8 surgeries and no diagnosis, I decided I was ready to leave this earth.

One sunny afternoon as I lay in my hospital bed facing the door,  my mother and sister sat engaged in conversation near the window of my room. Apparently, I had been asleep earlier from the effects of medication given to reduce my ever-present fever.  An old lady strode right into my room and over to my bed. She smiled at me and asked if she could pray and anoint my head. She had the kindest face and carried a very worn and tattered bible. We talked for what seemed like over an hour before she told me she had to leave but everything would be alright. She said just believe the Word of God will never leave me and I would not die in that bed. A little while after she’d left, I stirred in my bed and my mother came over to see how I was feeling. She was very concerned but excited to see that I had awaken. When I tried to explain that I had not been sleeping but speaking to someone, she assumed I was delusional from the fever. Both she and my sister insisted that no one had come into the room for hours. Upset by her disbelief, my vital signs signaled the attention of nurses who came into my room to check my leads and stats. They assured me that they’d been at the desk outside monitoring my telemetry the entire time. They  said that no one had been in my room and immediately gave me a shot to calm me because my fever had spiked again. About two hours later, I was awakened by wet gown and bed sheets where I had sweated profusely after my fever broke. When the nurses came to change my bed, they found a bible under my blanket where the old lady had left it! Everyone stared at each other in disbelief! They all knew I was confined to my bed and could not have gotten up. There was no way the bible could have gotten there except I was telling the truth.

I stayed in the hospital for about another month before I checked myself out. They never diagnosed me.

If you have read this far, then you must also believe that angels exist. They reveal themselves at our most vulnerable times but are always ready when we reach out to them. God sent them to help us navigate the evil that surrounds us here on earth. He said, “Be not afraid, for I am with you.” I can attest that all we have to do is cry out to Him and He hears us. The Creator of all there is cares about a little creature on a little planet in a little solar system, in a little galaxy lost in the vastness of the universe! There is nothing too hard for Him.

Trust Him with your heart. He will never let you down.

My Love for You

Whenever we’re apart, my soul cries out for you

Saying, “I Need You,” in the language of love

Whenever you talk to me, my ears hear a song

Your voice is like music from the skies above.

 

Whenever I’m with you, my heart screams to you

Saying, “I Love You,” without words, without anxiety

Whenever you touch me, my skin seems to melt

Your touch is like a thousand kisses all over me.

 

Whenever we make love, my body forsakes me

Saying, “I Belong to You,” from deep within my pride

Whenever you hold me, my heart feels a special peace

Your arms are like a strong tree with roots down deep inside.

If You Are Not for Real

Some say love is blind

I can’t decide

If it’s you I see

Or is it my bride

 

You are so unreal

It seems just like

You walked right out of my head

And into my life

 

If you are not for real

I want to stay asleep

Cause I’m not into games

I only play for keeps

 

Just don’t you ever leave

A broken man behind

Cause I don’t have the will

And I don’t have the time

 

To conjure up new love

It just won’t feel the same

I’d rather follow you

So you can take my name

 

If you are not for real

I want to stay asleep

Cause I’m not into games

I only play for keeps

 

If you are not for real

I want to stay asleep

Cause I’m not into games

I only play for keeps

Pieces of My Heart

Everyone wants to find a true love. One that will never cheat, leave, or lie

A love that you know comes from God above. Once in a lifetime this love comes along.

I held on to love with all my might. But my hands were empty when I looked down.

I thought we needed counseling to save us. But you didn’t think anything was wrong.

 

My heart was broken when you asked me for it. You said you could make it like new.

I trusted you to mend what I thought couldn’t be mended. You said you could fix anything.

You said you have big decisions to make and you don’t want me to get hurt.

I was hurt long ago when you remodeled your heart. It was the beginning of our last spring.

 

The joy of meeting a pure heart, or the facade of wanting it to be

I fell utterly and completely in love, but you were never in love with me

I tried so much to be your best, I longed to be your last

You pushed me aside almost immediately, I ignored it while praying it would pass

 

For many years, I  dedicated my heart to you, waiting for your love in return

I failed to realize you never intended to change your ways, because I was never a priority

You could call or see me whenever you wanted, once a week, once a month or not at all

When you said you planned to get married and travel someday. Like a fool, I thought you meant with me

 

Whenever I would ask you to spend more time with me, your answer would always be “soon”

Well, soon means a few days, months, or weeks. I never knew it could mean years from now

That’s how long I’ve waited for you to love me. How long I wanted to be made first

My love, my life is too important to me. I have to correct the mistakes I made.

 

I’m not perfect to you, but I’m perfect for me. God made me to be His best

He gave me a beautiful mind and personality. He filled my heart  with  kindness

But a heart in a thousand pieces can’t keep giving out love. Always trampled on and torn apart

A wet pillow is no good after unfaithful years. Long years of heartache blindness.

 

This is the story of a broken heart. A heart in a painting by Picasso.

The beauty is admired from a distance. But up close you can see the chaos.

A masterpiece composed by Beethoven. Each note deliberate and concise

A script by Shakespeare of love unrequited. A tragedy of death and despair.

 

 

The Rearview Mirror

You are parked in the driveway checking the mirror

Seeing the reflection of four years gone by

When  first you came here with strong smell of fear

The sense of wanting to fight when you really wanted to cry

 

Scared little children making your place in this school

Pushing back at authority every step of the way

Grinding and growing while breaking the rules

Leading you forward to your graduation day

 

We’ve watched you grow into budding young adults

Learning that sideview mirrors are more important than your phone

Drive upright in your seat for best results

You’re now in crowded traffic, and you’re driving alone

 

As you attempt a lane change on the day of your commencement

Quickly check both sideviews, the rearview, and then go

There are cars all around that may cause a dent

But life is filled with dents, lessons learned, and time spent

 

There will be many times you may be afraid to change lanes

Because you feel too safe and comfortable in a stagnant space

But you must have enough faith to take that opening

Your rearview reminds you not to stay in the same place

 

The people in your life have poured wisdom into you

We’ve given you a car of life to start you on your way

Be safe as you maneuver through this world

If you have a small accident, it’ll still be okay

 

Today, your teachers, counselors, and administrators are in your rearview

Your bright future lies right in front of your windshield

The Richwood High School Staff will always be there for you

When you’re empty, check your mirror for a refill.

 

You have completed high school but your work is not done

So get out there in traffic of life and don’t be afraid to go slow

The rearview mirror will show you how far you have come

But the windshield will show you how much further you can go

The Day My Heart Exploded

 

You lips said you loved me

Your actions contradict

My friends tried to warn me

But my heart just wouldn’t quit

 

I tried to show you my pain

You listened but couldn’t hear

My heart just started ticking

It knew the end was near

 

And then my heart exploded

All the pain just blew apart

I couldn’t stop the rush of tears

Pouring out of my weeping heart

And then my heart exploded

All the hurt came rushing out

I feel to my knees and begged the Lord please

But it was you I couldn’t live without

 

Many nights I prayed for us

Many days I longed for you

You never saw the hurt behind my smile

Never noticed my heart breaking into

 

I knew you could never love me

The way I’ve always loved you

But a little was always good enough

Until you told me we were through

 

And then my heart exploded

All the pain just blew apart

I couldn’t stop the rush of tears

Pouring out of my weeping heart

And then my heart exploded

All the hurt came rushing out

I feel to my knees and begged the Lord please

But it was you I couldn’t live without

(Repeat)